"Why won't God give me what I ask?" ~Ralph

Doubting God

First, let me say that questioning the existence of God and the validity of the Bible is not shameful. Many Christians feel like they need to hide their feelings of doubt, because it means they're not being faithful to God, not being "good Christians" and that they'll be judged by their churchmates. Well, they may be judged, because Christians are sinful and silly sometimes, but doubt doesn't make you a rebel against God, I think He encourages us to investigate, question and struggle with the mysteries He's lain before us (Philippians 2:12). If God is the God of truth, then your search for truth will lead you to Him more strongly than ever in the end. I pasted links to some great articles about proof of God near the bottom of this email.

Why don't I get what I prayed for?

I have often thought about this confusing situation myself. It seems in one instance, that God promises to do whatever we ask Him (Matthew 17:20), but in others God clearly denies people their requests (2 Samuel 12:16-18, 2 Corinthians 12:7-9). I think a verse that helps clear this up is John 15:16. At first, it just looks like another example of Matthew 17:20, but there's a key detail Jesus explains here. He says "the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." A commentary I read said that "This is equivalent to saying on my account, or for my sake." Name in Bible culture means the entirety of who a person is, and includes their will and mission. Some translations say "whatever you ask in my will" which doesn't get the whole meaning, but is more helpful for this concept. In other words, when our hearts are truly aligned with God, we will ask for the things God wants to give us. It is a common error that praying to God is like writing a letter to Santa, and that He's there to give us everything we want. Though He does love us and wants to give us the desires of our hearts, it is we that were created for Him. Think of it more like approaching your king with a humble request. Though He's also your Father, He is still the King, and He must make the final decisions about what is right for us to have.

Why would God give me a stone, when I ask for bread? (Matthew 7:9)

This sounds more like a doubt about the character of God than of the existence of God. Still, you're not alone in your struggle! In fact, CS Lewis (the author of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe) said that he disbelieved God for years because of the unfairness of life. In his books Mere Christianity and Surprised by Joy he explains that he came to realize that he couldn't call anything fair or unfair or even good or bad if God didn't exist.

You can also try googling "when God says no" and turn up a bunch of interesting resourcs. There's a great "Nooma" video on this subject called "Kickball". The basic point of this is that, like we know what's best for our children more than they do, God knows best what's best for us, and for the whole world. In addition to being way smarter than we are, God can see the big picture of everyone else's lives (how they intertwine) and all of history (how one event will lead to another). I don't know why God has chosen to say "no" or "not yet" to your request, I don't even know what your request is, but I know it's not because He doesn't love you (more likely it's because He does). Let me explain, or rather let CS Lewis explain...

I've often struggled with why God sometimes feels so absent in my life. Sometimes I can feel Him so clearly at work, and other times, no matter how hard I pray, I just feel like I'm talking to myself. I've wondered if it was my fault, if some sin or idol was getting in the way, and sometimes I think that is true. Other times, though, it seems like I'm really giving my best and getting nothing back. Oddly enough, I found some real encouragement from the words of a demon :). CS Lewis wrote a book called The Screwtape Letters which are from the perspective of one demon to another on how to best keep people away from God. In one letter, he talks about how people's spiritual feelings have ups and downs, and explains:

"He [God] will set them [people] off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature [person] to stand up on its own legs—to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it [the person] is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best... He cannot "tempt" to virtue as we [demons] do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles... Our cause [Satan's cause] is never more in danger, than when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."